The human's back
With a pack
Of strangers in tow
Large house is small
People clutter the hall
I want them to go
Doors keep closing
I'm just supposing
To keep us in or out
But we are too keen
To be seen or unseen
When we want to prowl about
This year is ending
Soon will be sending
The strangers away
I only wish
(Along with fish)
The human would stay
I'll be abandoned to an aunt again for a time period I have been unable to clarify, but I hope to post occasionally. Please be patient if I don't post much for the next half month.
Mensa Invitational
As do so many these days, I receive my fair share of forwarded jokes and other materials endlessly circulating the Internet. Since my last reposting was well-received, I would like to share another that has tickled me today:
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners. Read them carefully. Each is an artificial word with only one letter altered to form a real word. Some are terrifically innovative:
1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
9 Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
10 Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
11. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
12. Glibido: All talk and no action.
13. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
14. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the lot:
17. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an ass.
These days are so cold
This is getting old
My human is always ready to flee
Instead of staying home to warm me
The bedding’s been washed clean
Of my smell; why are you so mean?
Tookie’s been taken
To the place where they’re bakin’
But instead of being fried
They put a needle in his hide
Now he’s at peace
Let the protesting cease
Survivors and advocates alike
All of you just take a hike
There’s never one right answer anymore
There’s just another person to make sore
Everybody just needs to chill
Find somewhere else to turn your will
There’s plenty enough killing and dying at home and abroad
To give folks reason to push each other and prod
Facts don’t seem to matter to those who won’t hear
Past or future, it’s all too near
Just hold onto your pants
And give peace a chance
Abandonment:
It’s all about being left alone. Sure, there are promises made by the light of day, promises of imminent return, but where is the trust? Where is the fulfillment of all these promises? Where is the human?
Day after day we are bade adieu with the promise of return. Night after night we watch the sun set, twilight flee, and darkness fall. Then, long after light and heat have left for the day, the lock rattles. JJ still runs; not I. I have no tolerance for such infidelity. Safe and snug in this giant bed, I remain warm and undisturbed, except for the futile search for my head or tail. I do not accept these professions of regret, these excuses for tardiness.
True, there was a time when I was enticed out of my warm bed by the rattle of paper and the fascinating foreign scents that accompanied my human’s returns, but no more. Things come in, things go out, but I remain. The view has changed; bleakness is pervading the landscape. Leaves are falling, birds have flown, trucks are heard but no longer seen. The only positive change is that delivery men seem more prevalent of late, and their mysterious bundles come in a variety of sizes. I particularly enjoy the clumsy one that often fumbles, trips, and swears.
Ah, I feel a lightening of my gloom. Perhaps things are not so bad. After all, my human does come home each night, if late. It is not as bad as the year I was left alone. OK: perhaps not total abandonment after all… I do like my food and toys, after all…
Deep Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like..........night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
14. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
15. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
22. "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
25. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
26. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright......... until you hear them speak.
27. Life isn't like a box of chocolates.... it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
Hot and cold blow the winds from door and vent
I cannot resolve this rising discontent
My heart beats fast my vision blurs
Between my ears a dim memory stirs
What was it that mouse long ago said
That I should remember long after it was dead?
Something about time and turns and such
More than that I cannot remember much
Though I have not eaten more than I should
My stomach does not feel so very good
Hairball attacks that toss me and turn me
Test my will but I won’t let them see
Any sign of weakness means I’m not a good boy
And I won’t let JJ rise above being a mere toy
Sure I can be petty but I’m above that
Do you think it could’ve been that half-eaten rat?
I cannot I will not I must not give in
I am as tough as I’ve ever been . . .
Outside it’s cold but here in your arms
I lay my head on your chest that warms
Here’s where first I curled right up
Against your coat as cozy as a cup
And still you let me stay with you
Lest from this cold I should turn blue
There is no warmer safer place
Then with my ears tucked beneath your face
Dibs
I’ve got dibs.
My human roams
But I’ve got dibs.
My human moans
But I’ve got dibs.
The kitty eater was on the loose today
And consolation seemed far away
But I’ve got dibs.
My human tried to slip out
What’s that about?
I’ve got dibs.
Sit down
Don’t frown
I’ve got dibs.
See all the leaves lying around, and the sky is grey
The wind blows hard, clearing the cobwebs away
This is the time of year when thoughts crystalize
And fancy holds sway as the daylight dies
My potential is vast
But that's all in the past
JJ's the one who's bounding around
While I continue to emulate a mound
It's time I got up and off of the bed
Got myself to the kitchen and got fed
Today I'm bouncing and chasing and fresh
For my mind is clear of its cobwebby mesh
